How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
