i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
