He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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