I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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