I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
