I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
