It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
