The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
