Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
