She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
