Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
