i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
