I want to have your abortion
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
