i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
