i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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