ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
