So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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