Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
