It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
