i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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