90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
