so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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