He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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