My liver just broke up with me...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
