this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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