she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
