So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
