college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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