it wasn't lemon gatorade
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
