Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
