Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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