Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
