Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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