and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
