Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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