Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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