btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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