A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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