we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
