Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
