I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
