Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
