I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
