I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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