dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
