Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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