Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
