My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
