i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
