I want to make a zoo with you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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