end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
