Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
