You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
