in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize