She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
