Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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