you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
