Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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