i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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