We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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