is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
