So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
