My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
